We’ll Give You Something to Cry About

Everything is terrible.


1. Twenty-two percent of office coffee mugs contain fecal matter.


You’re welcome.


2. If you can smell it, it’s literally inside your nose.


We breathe in a litre of farts every day. Most of it our own. Not all of it.


3. You have face spiders.

Man Face

Actual creatures that live in your pores and eat dead skin and sebum. There are thousands of them. On you. Right now.


4. There’s a haunted Doll Island in Mexico.

Doll Creepy



5. The world is running out of chocolate.


Our consumption is exceeding possible production. We only have ourselves to blame.


6. We get artificial vanilla flavour from beaver ass.


Vanilla flavour? Nope! Ass flavour.

None of this will matter for long, however. You see…


7. There is an asteroid heading for Earth that could wipe out humanity.


1950-DA has a 1 in 4000 chance of hitting us on 16 March, 2883.